Entrance Cue

September 1, 2010

I was driving home yesterday listening to whatever was in the cd changer when “And So it Goes” came on and I remembered.  Two years ago I was in the same car, this time in New Hampshire.  It was about 10 o’clock at night, dark and perfectly still the way only small towns in the mountains can be.  Peaceful.  A group of guys were singing a cappella and we had stopped to listen.  At the end of their set, cheered on by the audience, they agreed to do one more song.

It was “And So it Goes”.  Across the lawn I could sometimes hear only faintly, but I caught every word.  Then as now the part that stuck in my head the most was the lines, “but if my silence made you leave/ then that would be my worst mistake”. I have a tendency not to do or say things yet, assuming there will always be time later.  This clever approach has landed me two weeks away from 22, done with school and without a definite plan.  More than that it has left me wandering, trailed by a long weary line of things I might have said.  I was always waiting.  Waiting for the right moment, the right words or phrase turned just so.

For a long time I’ve been talking about trying to gain some traction.  I tried, and I wanted to believe I was putting serious effort into it.  Truth be told I wasn’t.  I don’t want to screw things up anymore.  I don’t want to look back at a long weary line of things I might have said.  I don’t want to get older without ever moving.  One day the world is going to walk away from me.  It will turn and leave, saying, “I’ve had it.”

Fair enough.  But before you go, world, there are some things I’d like to say.


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