April 9, 2009

Two songs have been playing bumper cars in my brain lately.  The first is “Fix You” by the Offspring;

“broken wing

empty glass

words that scream

and bounce right back

she says you know

we’d all like to rearrange”

So many times I hear something or read something and my heart breaks for those involved and what they are going through.  I instantly want to make things better.  I want to take what is weighing them down and stomp it to pieces so it can never be a burden again.  I think to myself that people shouldn’t have to suffer.  It’s pointless, and it wastes the time we have to do other things.  It colors life an awful dreary gray, clinging to you like a stain you can never scrub off.  You can’t conquer it for long.  It will always come back.  The things you throw at it don’t even make a dent.   All of this, these words that I’m spilling on the internet, is just there.  Sitting and watching.  Beyond a certain point, I have to let people find their own way out of the tangled lumps in their lives.  Propping them up is only artificial.  Like Jimmy Eat World says,

“I could never be the one that you want

don’t ask

well here’s to living in the moment

’cause it passed”

~ “Carry You”

I can’t fill the holes no matter how badly I want to.  To step in now would only be to fan the flames.  I can only wait on the sidelines, watching closely.  Then when you’ve kicked the ever loving shit out of that demon, we’ll walk away together.  We’ll go get ice cream and laugh and laugh about how close we both came to disaster.  Because you know what?  Most of the time, people don’t need me.  They can fight their own battles.  I just have to learn to let them.  Only then can I grow my own wings.

Rest assured of one thing though.  If there’s an echo of my words you can count on, it’s that I’ll always be here.  Dibs on the Phish Food, darlin’.


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